(For the girl I lit the candles for)

And here we are at the end of the world and this is where it all begins and ends.

In my life, there were always two streams constantly warring with each other – that God was all He claimed to be and the exact opposite.  There is much truth in the idea that our perceptions of God are heavily colored by our experiences with our parents.  If our parents are absent or cruel, then we believe God is too.  If they are loving and kind, then He is as well.  So on and so forth.  

Because mine were so unstable, ill-equipped, and generally all over the place, I struggled a lot with fully trusting Him.  It depends on the day, but overall and lately, I choose the stream that represents Him as good.  Despite all the difficulties, pain, and struggles, I can see His goodness.  Not all the time, but enough.  

Life is life.  

Humans are humans.  

God is God.

I saw and experienced a lot of darkness and disappointment – personally and through my professional positions, calling.  But I think that I also saw God – in the places I traveled to, the people I met, the beauty I saw, the deep emotions I felt.  The story I remember from the Bible is God allowing Moses to see a small part of Him.  After this rare opportunity and gift, Moses is changed and at peace with all he has gone and will go through.

The saving grace in all our lives is that God saw everything.  The good and bad days, the hidden deeds and misdeeds, ours and those of others.  For me, this is comforting because the past would be impossible to evaluate or sort out without a higher, divine wisdom.  Not to mention the future.

I’ll also say this, during a conversation with a close friend, I remarked and realized that even though God allowed difficult times and pain, I’ve never been seriously hurt or completely destroyed.   I’ve never broken a bone, barely been bloodied, and my soul, spirit, mind are somehow intact.

I ask Him about you a lot. And this time around, for His help. The answers I get back seem to be encouraging.