My grandfather figure and I were discussing the concept of hidden blessings.  Often, they aren’t what they appear to be.  I often think of the hand I was dealt.  Mixed cards for sure but not what they appeared to be.  The apparent good cards turned out to be not so good and vice versa.  Regardless, I knew what I had was inadequate for what the life I wanted and what I dreamt to accomplish.  

This one is about grace disguised.

I didn’t come up with that term – I’m not smart enough for that.  It’s actually the title of a book written by a professor who lost his wife, mother, and daughter in a car accident.  It is profound writing and contains many life lessons.

When people think of ruts, they often think of a period of despair, sadness, and depression.  And while that is certainly true, I think the more prevalent and pernicious state is coasting and going through the motions.  When things are neither good nor bad enough to make any substantial changes.  It’s more than boredom, apathy, or lack of growth.  It is the start of a slow death.  It’s like when your team is down by an insurmountable deficit and you’re just calling plays to run down the clock.  I saw this at my alma mater with their football team when I was in college – the run and punt offense.  It was embarrassing to watch.  

My daughter used to have playdates with this wealthy family in NYC.  Although we lived in a somewhat mixed zone, the school she went to had a pretty well to do demographic.  It had some pretty ridiculous ideas which I may write about later such as it’s ok to have different answers for math problems and have Circle of Life parent diversity nights.  

No and no.  

2 + 2 always equals 4 and I’m not Pumba, Mufass, or Rafiki on display for you to gawk at.  

So the playdate.  It was in a nice apartment.  The dad was a good 20 years older than the mom and a clear second (or more) marriage.  They were nice (sort of) but they didn’t really like the fact I was NYPD.  I dunno – maybe they had little bags of white powder stashed somewhere.  They did have a boat.  My daughter was totally out of her environment for sure.

I was curious so I used some of my investigation skills to find out more about this family (legally).  And it was sorta funny – the prior wife looked exactly like the new one.  We used to joke at work that Police Commissioner Bratton traded up in terms of wives every time he had a major promotion.  Here, it felt like more of the same.  Jokes aside, it made me think of what really breaks cycles – in any case or situation.

Sometimes it’s intentional and others it isn’t.  They can be gifts, the grace disguised.  It’s a bit dramatized in the Bruce Lee biopic Dragon but it was his breaking his back that gave him the impetus to really think hard to develop his philosophy of Jeet Kune Do.  The months of incapacitation allowed him to put many of his thoughts and training together, even using his philosophy background.  

Grace and destiny collide.  It is timeless and universal.  It happened to me repeatedly during my journey.  The difficult part is to decide whether to resist or embrace it all.  You can fight the current or go with the flow and see where it all goes.  I used a lot of Taoist strategy in my professional work – often to the bewilderment of my superiors, who were often accustomed to doing something.  Sometimes, doing nothing is best.  Let the waterfall carry whatever where it needs to go.

But 2 + 2 = 4.  

Always.