(From the DA years)

It has been an interesting past few days.  Mixed emotions and realizations. 

I taught a class on DNA evidence to veteran DAs and law enforcement officers this past week.  I found out later that there were FBI and Department of Justice personnel in the audience, as well as the various chiefs of our units.  I was humbled to teach the class.  I learned that sometimes you have to ignore the “know-it-all” students who visibly read a newspaper when you are talking and focus on the ones that are struggling to understand the material.  

The night before teaching though, I had some moments of doubt.  But I am thankful for my older friends who were understanding and kind in their words and caring.  It is true that those who realize how much grace they have received are the best ones to dispense it. 

I think you just have to go to the right sources for what you need.  The one thing that was reinforced for me was to be careful who you trust.  I am sorry to write this (and I do not write this out of bitterness, but rather out of a sad disappointment), but there are some people who truly do not know how to empathize.  

I think there are some friendships after this past few days that will be different from now on.  There is a certain arrogance and flippancy with some people. 

Suburban life can be harmful in other ways that are not akin to the inherent dangers in a big city.  There are drugs and criminal behaviors that are not per se illegal, but just as harmful if not worse.  In God’s eyes, crushing someone’s spirit may be on the same level as child rape.  Jealousy, materialism, and bitterness likewise may wreck as much havoc as crack cocaine and speed. 

Some of you may be asking whether I believe everything I write here or whether I am a hypocrite.  I think both statements would be correct.  I can only cling on to my faith and God’s grace when I fail.  Truly, it is He that accomplishes all good things and not my own power – in moments of doubt, fear, and even rebellion.  I know that the only reason why I may be great one day is because of His Spirit.  But I feel it – beyond any scientific proof, religious legalisms, or secular cynicism.