In NYC (and in society at large), there are probably too many participation trophies.  When my daughter previously received a “medal” for completing a swimming class, she was allowed to wear it at home and then to discard it.  She also used to take chess lessons and reluctantly play in a few tournaments. As you might imagine, these were competitive. Very very stressed out kids and probably more so, the parents. Daughter wasn’t a young Magnus Carlson by any means, but she could hold her own. I think she had around a .500 record. I remember thus one time where she lost and left the room with a bit of a shell shocked look. She just ran to me and I gave her a hug. I was glad she gave it her all – I don’t think I would have lasted more than a few moves.

Once, she did receive a trophy for sportsmanship. She was gracious in victory and defeat.

A few friends have remarked you learn a lot from losing, maybe more so than any other events.

I think this is fundamentally true. It’s definitely more than learning moves, bouncing back, trying again, etc. A lot of it is about endurance and absorbing.

Especially disappointment, discouragement, discomfort. That’s what may set us people apart in terms of truly great accomplishment and achievement – and I’m not talking the usual suspects.

Instead, I’m referring to the ones that make history – overthrowing a regime, resisting injustice, restoring all that is right.

Those are all costly.

Those are all painful.

In basketball, I was solid playing on a team but not a great one-on-one player. I had a neighbor who was a year older than me. He beat me every single time he played me.

Except for the last time we played.

After dozens of losses, I wanted it so badly. And I somehow managed to pull it off – and by accident (I swear) giving him a bloody nose.

It felt like a word that doesn’t exist- a combination of relief, vindication, joy, resolution.

Like the first time I crossed the Longfellow Bridge over the Charles to see the beautiful Boston skyline.

My son’s godfather made the observation that at some point intelligence, talent don’t matter so much as pure perseverance. When one looks at the great struggles of history, there is a ton of losing. Another insightful friend made the point that evil often seems so overwhelming at first until the forces of good gain their footing and pushes back.

We love our winners.

But maybe we should love our endurers instead.