I wasn’t always the well-behaved, rule-following,  compliant, submissive man you see before you.  After I once asked the kids where they sit in class (girl in the middle to avoid attention, boy also in the middle), I told them that growing up in Malaysia, daddy had a very special seat in the classroom.  Right next to the teacher.  I sat there for half a year aka Nelson Mandela.  My parents never found out, I’ve never told them.  No snitching please.

I only recently told a friend how we were disciplined (ages 7-12).  Aside from the caning, we were made to stand a lot – in the sun for an hour (Malaysian sun), in the drainage system, in class holding a desk or chair on our heads, with our arms outstretched while holding books.  

My friend asked me what effect this all had on me.  It was a great question.  I’m still not actually sure.  It probably sowed the seeds of making me a grumpy old man.  It also probably gave me the thick skin I’ve needed to call on at times.  In my parents’ day, my understanding is that discipline was harsher – kids would be caned at school assemblies in front of the whole school.

At a church in Boston, at a parenting seminar, someone asked about how to best discipline their children as they were moving to Scotland where there was a law where you couldn’t hit your children with anything other than your hand.  This for some reason concerned the questioner.  The reply was surprising – go to a soundproof location.  After the seminar, I pull the parents aside and explain why that law was passed (a kid either got really hurt or killed when an implement was used).

I remember only one child abuse case assigned to me.  Initially, when I familiarized myself with the facts, my first thought was this doesn’t sound so bad.  No worries, I did my job. 

I had other child cases too and know several friends with that type of background.  When I became a parent myself, I resolved not to spank the kids at all.  Have held to that.