I’ll save the suspense – this isn’t the classic about how it makes you stronger. 

I see my ambassador mentor only a few times a year.  But every time I do, the wisdom and knowledge she imparts is long-lasting and profound.  She tells me the best stories from her service and life – now she once corrected Henry Kissinger and watched the mighty Bill Russell play at the Garden.

Incisively truthful (but kind), she demolishes several years of my primary advisor’s life work in a few sentences due to her real-life experience.  The last time we met, she told me that the oft-quoted statement “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” isn’t necessarily true all the time.

I need to think more on this but intuitively, she’s right.  Many times, what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.   Some damage inflicted lasts a lifetime.  We can compensate, adapt, cope, but at the end of the day, we’re still missing something that can never be replaced.

My grandmother was an orphan.  Abandoned around 9, her father drops her off at the orphanage and tells her he’ll be back to pick her up in a few weeks.  Grandma waits every evening in vain.  Long story short, she becomes an indentured servant and has a difficult life (war survivor, poverty, widow).  She develops incredible street and people smarts because of her experiences.

She also cries herself to sleep at night.  Strong and tough during the day, the nights are different.  While her later years are somewhat good, her road was difficult.

So yes, some parts of us do become stronger, but the truth is more complex.  For me, the challenge is acceptance, making peace, finding additional sources of strength and joy.  For Grandma, her perseverance and sacrifice resulted in many grandchildren who she got to see.

She was an interesting one, I have a lot of her in me.  She once disciplined me with a stick of sugar cane and then gave it to me to chew on to sweeten things.