A few weeks ago, I took the kids to watch a movie in a real life theater.  It’s nice once in a while to get unglued from the small screen although I find the Nicole Kidman shout out for AMC to be slightly disconcerting and off.  For those who know, you know what I mean.

I do like the Maria  Menounos segments in the previews.  I don’t even know what she does – is she an actress or singer?   But her laugh – it is priceless and unique.  I heard it compared to a goat’s.  That’s not very nice but it is what it is.  Anyway, in this particular segment, she was touting mental health for victims of bullying.  I turned to my daughter and said that’s all fine and good but that’s not the only thing that should be done.  

You must take out the bully.

This one is about how the real world works with there types of people.

I have enough stories from my professional and personal life to write at least a book chapter on this but it’ll give me an aneurysm so I’ll pass for now.  But here’s the main point.  If you want to counsel, therapise, evangelize, convert. or whatever a bully, it’s usually after you neutralize, contain, or restrict them.  I do not discount the power of empathy, reason, and compassion – far from it – but that is rarely the language needed initially.  Let me reiterate, this approach should not be ruled out but you know what I mean.

The use of force should be carefully administered.  But to rule it out is pure foolishness.  I asked a friend why there is still a predator walking around scot free at my former church.  He said he had no answers.  I stupidly accepted this reply but after some thought, the answer is obvious – those in charge didn’t do their job.

When I was in Philadelphia, my office investigated the city’s archdiocese for crimes against children and related cover ups.  I found it hard to read after the first few pages.  To make it clear, this isn’t strictly a Catholic Church problem, it is everywhere.  One of the pastors at my former church pointed at them to which I wanted to reply with something about the kettle and the pot.

I will tell the story of a bully I had in 7th grade when I was just a recent immigrant.  He tormented me for a  while. I told the teacher to no avail.  Until one day in gym class when he fouled me dirty in basketball and I tumbled to the ground.  I then took a basketball and threw it at his head.  I narrowly missed.  Stunted, he looks at me with a threatening but also scared face.  I just reached for another ball at that point.  And that was the last day he did anything to me.

The bullies, often grow up but don’t change.   It’s harder when older to throw basketballs at them so the way to fight back is different.  I haven’t figured it out perfectly but one way to do it is to grease their path to hell.  The same pastor told me he wished that bad things would happen to bad people.  An honest feeling for once.  I told him that the better path would be to do nothing so long as victims were protected and accounted for.

I used this technique at work.  I told the snake how much I respected and admired him, how I hung on to every one of his words of wisdom.  And then protected my unit in the best way I could – and I did that well.  I still get letters from them.  I wasn’t going to correct this fool.  It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.  The Jesuits teach that when someone is going down a wrong path,  the evil spirits encourage them further.  A friend aptly remarked that I was playing the role of Satan here.

Lord, forgive me.  It was for the greater good in this case.  I’m a red-headed stepchild of a Protestant but I think I need to be a Catholic for a day to confess this to a priest.

But take the bully out.  Use words if necessary.