(From the DA years)

One of the hardest things to have in a world filled with sin.  It is easy to gloss over and be desensitized by news accounts of tragedy.  I read American and Malaysian newspapers and see the same stories of destruction, crime, racism, disappointment, and other forms of evil.  Last summer, I worked on four murder cases in which a 27 and 23-year old man, a 17-year old boy, and a 81-year old woman were killed in different ways.  

The damage to the families is indescribable.  The 17-year old had both sets of grieving grandparents still alive.  He was shot for fun by three teenagers.  A hollow point bullet ripped up his insides as his killers laughed at him as he bled to death.  And this was in St. Paul, Minnesota, one of the safer cities in the US.  I do not need to go into detail here about DC where the Little Lights kids encounter these events daily, NYC, Nashville, Chicago, or Philly.  

I find that people respond to these things in several ways.  A common defense mechanism is to hope that those things will not happen personally to them.  But this is just false hope; everyone gets slammed some way sooner or later.  Another mechanism is to believe that if one leads a righteous or Christian life, one will be spared from these things.  But this is also not true.  The 17-year old boy and his family were Christians.  The 27-year old man was loved by his friends and remembered as a good man.  Finally, people can respond with despair and a loss of hope. 

My prosecutor mentor, who has served for 25 years, says this is why he doesn’t believe in God.  I find it hard to argue with him on this point.  Some of you will read this and lecture us on how wrong we are to think this way.  Maybe some of you will even quote Scripture and theories about free will and sin.  But it is not quite as easy as that.  

I write here I am struggling to reconcile how there is so much brutality in a world that still has its original semblance of goodness and beauty.  I think about these things as I drive back and forth from Indiana, through the Pennsylvania mountains, the Ohio valleys, and the familiarity of Maryland, my home state.  It boggles my mind how we can live and treat each other the way we do.  

But ultimately, the nagging question that is raised is where is God in all this?  

We should also ask where is Satan in all this?  

I have realized a few things.  I am sure now that there is a heaven where all things will be made right, where there will be no sorrow or pain.  

We must learn to see the big picture and to live for what is meaningful.  We must also learn to enjoy the good moments that are given to us, with a loose grip on them.  For many of us, especially we who live in the US, there is much to be thankful for. 

But we cannot cling to the illusion that this life will truly fulfill us.  This illusion leads to restlessness and gradual destruction..