It’s ok if you don’t understand what someone is about but never, ever mock or laugh at it. This principle applies in many facets of life, including and especially parenting. Do the wrong thing in this aspect and I guarantee you just increased the betting odds of you ending up not having your diapers changed or feeding tube still connected.

It’s simple and maybe even simplistic but that whole walking in another’s shoes is so true. Over the journey, and especially over the rough parts, I not only encountered those who did not inquire but also tried to minimize, trivialize, downplay, gaslight, even make accusations rather than actually try to discover or understand the truth.

Depth, breadth, scope, extent. All these matter in one form or the other.

Someone’s life cannot be told in a few sentences or anecdotes.

One of the most common phrases I’ve heard recently is “I didn’t know.” Well, “you didn’t ask and honestly didn’t care to.”

I once had a case wheee someone was kidnapped and had his genitals mutilated with a blowtorch, razor blade, and baking soda. And roughly 200 more with fact patterns such as this. And many had the gall to tell me what I experienced and felt. And worse, call me childish when I would deflect by not wanting to discuss or even worse, making it up (yes Boston peeps, that’s some of you ivort tower folk).

When my kids tell me stuff now, I listen, try to empathize, and enjoy it all.

My daughter told me once “Evert class has an idiot. Every class has a birch.” In my home and church, this would have been met with reproach, rebuke, and rejection.

But it is true. Even if that’s not polite to say out loud. You know whom they are – the ones you want to dunk in water at those carnival games.

In TH White’s Once And Future King, a young future King Arthur casually calls Merlin’s pet owl by a dismissive nickname. To which Merlin says – never make fun of the truly wise and something like that prerogative belongs solely to them. That is profound. As to exactly why, it’s probably something to do with hidden consequences. One thing I’ve learned is not only the power of words but also misinformation, misdirection, and silence.

I wasn’t the type to laugh at others. I knew what it was like to be on the receiving end. But I did know how to hold my tongue and watch as the ship sailed head on toward the iceberg.