Last year, I attended my prosecutor mentor’s wife’s memorial service in St. Paul, Minnesota. On a weather changing spring day following the long, northern winter, we honored her.  A Vietnam veteran and 30 year prosecutor, he quotes the following from Psalm 118 to me during her final hours:

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

I sat next to his brother-in-law, a theologian. during the memorial.  We talked about faith, how he used to teach a class on Christianity and Buddhism.  I told him how I appreciated the connections between my faith and Taoism.  He told me of a difficult family event and how he was still coping with the aftermath.  I asked whether he still believed in God and he replied, yes with doubts – “Are You there?” and the problem of evil.  He tattled on my mentor not saying grace before meals.  Hell, I haven’t done this for ages myself.

I just gave him a hug after all that and it was good for all.

Minnesota is the reason why I don’t bat an eye at school shootings.  My first 5 cases I worked on as a 25 year old – attempted murder (shot in head), followed by 4 first-degree homicides (stabbing, bludgeon/strangulation, shooting of a teenager, gang killing).

At the airport waiting for the outbound flight, I wrote the following:

Off to the Twin Cities to light candles for the same girl I lit them for 20 years ago. Because words, prayers, and candles matter.  You never know which one sets off the firestorm

Shortly after the trip, I sent her a letter more than 20 years overdue. It was possibly the most beautiful and truthful thing I have written. A letter I started earlier in the journey.

No regrets this time.

One life.

You’ve got to do what you should.

But I also lit more than one candle at the cathedral.

And we will see how this one unfolds.

Under wandering stars I’ve grown

By myself but not alone