I also think if people can’t understand, which is expected, at least not misunderstand. I realize after talking to others is that they often just project what they are dealing with on me. I always thought many things through. Even at work, I had legal pads filled with what I thought out to come to solutions. 

But I knew when I was beaten. And this was it. In the past, I could always maneuver or fight my way out. This time I couldn’t. It was all too much finally. I broke.

I remember going to Bible study at church and would get judged for being “immature.” I would tell stories about my turtles and sing songs about my cat. They had no idea what I had seen to that point. It wasn’t until I have a testimony outlining my life when they realized I was a lot different than what they thought.  

This was about finding peace. There were just a lot of chaotic moments. It wasn’t about wealth, power, or fame. None of those things appealed much to me. Learning yes, I think that was also a big factor. Pain was always a constant but I could harness and transform it pretty well. Until I couldn’t. 

What solves this isn’t answers, I don’t need or want them. I can figure out why things happened the way they did. What solves this is love. As unconditional as humanly possible. A wise, compassionate, stubborn love – that maybe only God can provide.