My uncle, who died recently, accomplished a lot despite much adversity. I don’t think what I’ve done matches him but both our lives had similarities. My aunt, who raised me, said he had trauma after trauma. I definitely did. Don’t get me wrong, we also both had amazing days and lots to be happy about. 

Either God allows or ordains things to happen to us. At times, they are good, at others, they aren’t. I think with the latter, His promise is that good ultimately comes out of it. I definitely had deep wounds. Many from events out of my control. I think I tried to respond as well as I could but the effects last. It did give me probably my most important skill, the ability to read people and situations. I did not reject healing for them. And they did heal in some measure but I think some never fully heal and they reopen. 

I wrote about this before. When I was in Philadelphia on a missions trip, I sustained a bad shoulder and arm injury. I was playing football and I got slammed into the ground. I’m sure I dislocated or tore something but I never got it checked out because I was about to head off to Indiana. That was 23 years ago. That injury has never healed. Some nights it’s painful and others it’s just tingly. I can tell the weather outside from how much it aches. If it’s more than a dull throb, I know it’s either raining outside or will rain. 

The wounds are reminders of how life works out but also how God brings us through. I’m not sure how true this is but intuitively any time spent with God is good. The nudges I’ve had from Him fit into that category. There is overall a measure of peace because I know that He’s somehow in control. Even in the darkest moments. And your nudge, the scariest and yet the most comforting of them all. I’ll tell you more about the other ones later because they take time to explain. 

So in the early morning, as I deal with a cough and cold, I feel led to write. I was talking with a friend this past week and I said that I actually can’t write on demand. Something comes over me and the words just come out. It’s like a higher power is holding the pen. Every poem I’ve written, including the ones that others think are publishable, take no more than 10 minutes to write. They are in many ways autobiographical. Much of what I’ve described I’ve actually seen or experienced. The ones I’ve written for you are among the best. This is actually the first time I’ve written poetry in 20 years and really anything deeply personal.

I’ve learned to alleviate the arm and shoulder wound. I rub and massage it. It’s bearable.