My daughter once showed me her report card with great excitement and pride.  When I actually read it, I thought to myself – Oh my, this looks exactly like how mine used to be – many Bs, a smattering of As.  I’m no tiger dad so I just go good job kiddo while secretly wondering which athletic or musical skill she needed to work on for any chance at a college scholarship.

Recently, that little brain of hers that has some similarities with mine told me in a moment of self-awareness that her grades tend to be average.  I told her that’s ok because her real intelligence was something else. 

Something more fluid and practical.

She also was never the most athletic player on her soccer team, she was a tough defender but lacked the explosiveness for offense.  What she excelled at was her understanding of the game, the strategy part.  When she was 10, she immediately picked up on the Washington Capitals usual defensive lapse that let it the game winner.  I hasn’t even explained much of the game to her.

For someone who has gone to quite a bit of school, I also really didn’t enjoy much of it.  Not the substantive part at least.  What intrigued me at every point, including.professional experiences, were patterns.  Once you can see pattens, it’s much easier to do things – in many areas – faith, work, family, etc.

The daughter has been also studying for this ridiculous NYC phenomenon of a high school entrance exam. She needs way more work to have a shot at an elite program. I told her how insane this process is and not to stress about it – do your best and see where it all goes.

The reality is that these exams rarely measure all the types of intelligence. I joked with a close friend that she is like the team captain that doesn’t play all that much but leads from the bench. The Michigan Wolverines basketball team with the Fab Five of Chris Webber, Jalen Rose, Juwan Howard, had a senior captain who didn’t start. Also comparable to Tom Wilson of the Washington Capitals whose impact is measured in more than the points he scored. It’s in his overall contribution to the team. You know when he’s not on the ice.

The main strategic framework I’ve tried to impart to her and her brother is the OODA loop, which encourages and emphasizes drawing on an array of experiences to address and solve problems.

The daughter needs to learn to study better. I know she’s the life of the party at her study sessions. But we will get her to and through somehow.

And learn how to wave towels from the bench.