There’s a scene I remember in the Iliad that has struck me for a long time. Achilles is given a choice by his mother. Live a long life on a remote island, have children and grandchildren, but eventually be forgotten. Go to fight at Troy and be remembered forever but die thee on its shores. For Achilles, there is no real choice. He was destined or fated to go. That was who he is. I could identify with some of this – I wanted to do something meaningful if not great. 

But I also feel Ulysses. I also longed for home. To belong and be valued. I got a bit of both. Someone told me that I needed to re-establish myself. I replied I never really established myself in the first place. Not all of this was by choice. Some of it though was intuitive. 

When I think of the Odyssey, I realize it’s about life in general. Storms and lulls. I’ve had both. The lulls are trickier in some ways to handle and navigate. Ulysses is trapped for years in one place by Circe. I can’t remember exactly how he breaks free but he does. 

 I kept this book that my daughter wrote and illustrated when she was around 5. It is titled “Sail Home” – about someone trying to make her way home. Parts include the varying weather, emotions, and interestingly enough, there are several pages with nothing really happening with no captions, just her sailing. And I thought – isn’t that so true of our lives? Lots of nothing and then something. 

I sometime say my experiences were a lot like being at an amusement park. Waiting in line for a long time for rides that last minutes. And wow, some of the rides I took. So scary at times. But also thrilling. 

There’s a Pearl Jam song with the lyrics “I’ll ride the wave where it takes me.” At concerts, those in attendance sing that part loudly. It is powerful. As you’ve probably noticed, I think about the ocean a lot. West Malaysia is a peninsula, roughy the size and shape of Florida. It is surrounded by water. My parents’ hometown is by the Straits of Malacca. I spent a lot of time there. I think that’s why I’ve always been drawn to bodies of water – the lakes of Minnesota, Cape Cod in New England, the Chalees River in Boston, and the Schuykill River in Philadelphia, the Danube in Vienna and other places. The water for me is both calming and hopeful. 

The waves are what takes us places. Without then, we remain still. And that can be not a good thing. I really dislike change but I knew instinctively I couldn’t remain still. Home wasn’t so much an edifice, location, job exclusively. 

You felt like home. When I sat in your car with the duck on the seatbelt and the radio gently playing in the background, I knew. You’re the first girl I’ve ever felt that way about. Maybe you feel like Gaithersburg or even youth but I think it’s more than that. 

What drives Ulysses isn’t glory like Achilles. It is home. The son he knew only as a child. The woman he loves. That was his true wisdom. 

You feel like home. It took me a long journey to realize that. In Tennyson’s poem Ulysses, my favorite line is “Though much is taken much abides.” The poem is about an old bored Ulysses longing for adventure again and ready to sail again. 

But you feel like home.

And in my daughter’s book, she does finally make it home.