One of the best qualities I’ve noticed about you is that you will do the right thing regardless of what has happened to you. I’ve seen this over the course of knowing you. I was talking to a friend about you yesterday and what we’ve experienced together. He said we actually have a long history. 

When we were in high school, you were the girl I spoke to the most on the phone. I still remember your number xxx-xxx-xxxx. We went to Mrs. ———- funeral and we cooked together once. I remember. I still have your graduation present – a photo of you and me at the fair. You’re wearing a pink shirt and I’m in my favorite Maryland basketball one. I can’t remember which year this was – the first or second drama year but it was all special.

We do life one day at a time. I’ve written the equivalent of a book. I did not intend to. I started with a single story, wrote the next, then the next. And within a month I had around 150 of them. I think that is a metaphor for life. It’s one story at a time. That’s the story. 

This is also about reference points and lenses. It’s hard to understand or be understood without adequate or an appropriate set. I think only God really understands. It’s comforting because He can actually do something. Humans are limited, God isn’t.

I often envied those who could seemingly engineer their future. But that may be looking at the board wrong. At the end of it all, it’s whether we believe that receiving is possible and even better. That is relying on grace – unmerited blessings and gifts. There’s a saying – there are two tragedies, not getting what you want and getting what you want. This to me is true. 

When I think of some of the things I really wanted, they sometimes weren’t what they appeared to be. At the NYPD, my first location was in a hidden back office in One Police Plaza, the headquarters. There wasn’t any heat or AC at times and the overall environmental was frankly disgusting but that was one of the best times of my life. The work was super meaningful and colleagues were good. Fond memories. 

The last location before I left was in a building overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a gorgeous office but the overall social environment was poor. I used to wish I could attend meetings in the executive conference room. And so I did, to my regret. Empty snd meaningless. I’d rather be back in the first location. 

At the fair, I couldn’t wait to be at the tents. It was home. I often wondered why. I think it was where God was.  

The words are coming slow tonight. I’m running out of energy. I think I just want to love you as mush as it’s about the other way around.