Another memory I have of you is you twirling, lost in thought. You didn’t think anyone was watching but it was really memorable and endearing. I used to do something similar – it was a football move, faking a handoff to a back and twirling to throw the ball. Because I am short, I often ran to the left or right to pass the ball. It allowed me to have an open passing lane. 

I miss that version of me.

I miss that version of you. 

But maybe we are every version of ourselves in the present. All our past selves and even the future. 

I found my old writing files from an intense and formative period of my life (but really, aren’t they all?). I actually didn’t write that consistently – the most during the sophomore-junior years of high school, last year, and the 6 years covering my last year of law school, the DA years, and the first 2 Boston years. 

I started to collate some of them for my kids. It was interesting to read them after more than 15-20 years. I forgot so much that happened and that I wrote down. Some of it, I am embarrassed by. It was immature, self-righteous, and stupid. 

But others, I could see the beginnings of my future self. I also also noticed a predictive or foreshadowing quality to some entries. There were several instances I would surmise something would occur in the near future, and it would happen. It wasn’t mere wishing or guessing. 

This phenomenon if you could call it that wasn’t limited to writing. I could often feel or envision what would happen in the future. In Boston, most of my peers would enter academia or policy work. But as I was sitting in one of my school’s classrooms that was setup like a conference room rather than a classic seating arrangement, I could see that one day, I would be in a position where I would be advising powerful people – which I would do years later. 

I also had a preview more than a decade in advance that I’d be in the police world. I used to wander around St. Paul in my spare time and stumbled onto the Minnesota Law Enforcement Memorial, a photo of which I sent you in April of last year. 

When I saw it for the first time, it spoke to me immediately. The memorial is a concrete interior surrounded by grass, representing the rural and urban nature of the State of Minnesota. In the middle of the concrete section, there is a row of blue lights representing the thin blue line dividing order and chaos, good and evil. 

It was, however, the black marble marker at the end of that row of blue lights and prominently placed in the middle of the entire memorial that has been imprinted in my memory and soul ever since. The Bible verse from the Book of Matthew where Jesus teaches the Beatitudes is engraved on it – “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.” I framed a photo of this and had it up at various locations. 

I also would go to the Memorial to pray and practice before one court season. It is stunning at night when the blue line lights up and the marble marker is illuminated. Sometimes, the remnants of the sun setting is evident in the background. Simply breathtaking and one of those moments where you feel that your heart would break because of the overwhelming beauty. 

When I saw you in your classroom and also standing outside your house, I felt the same way. 

It was a powerful, peaceful, profound beauty. 

I will never forget.