To this day, I have no idea how much money my parents have. I really don’t care because they spent so little on me, especially things I needed. But even this actually gave me what I needed in a strange way. 

Recently, I spoke to a friend who also felt out of place. He is Korean but grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. He and I both played a lot of sports that non-Asians do. We are bananas or twinkies, yellow on the outside, white on the inside. Interestingly enough, my NYPD unit was majority black and Latino. They used to say I had a lot of black in me – well maybe because we were heavily discriminated against in Malaysia as Chinese. 

But we were talking about how we used to practice our skills in all sorts of environments. I told him I was a very good fielder in baseball/softball and could credit this to the cheap glove I received. It was purchased from KB Toys, made of synthetic material unlike proper gloves that are made of leather. The glove was so thin that it hurt every time I caught something that was thrown hard. When I finally used a real glove in college, I realized how much this prepared me to field. I have never dropped a ball in the outfield. That cheap glove taught me how to catch effectively.

It was the same thing with a football. They wouldn’t get me a real one, so I had a Nerf one as well as a free plastic one from KFC. Both were unwieldy and difficult to throw. These also taught me to throw a real one properly. And other things like feeding me one meal a day (which I’m used to till this day), sleeping in a cold room because of inadequate heat and blankets, and even the refusal to get me a proper steel string guitar. 

All these made me stronger and better in many ways. I knew how to get by and make do with what I was given, many times less. I went on a half scholarship to Maryland, paid for a lot of law school, and had my PhD funded fully with pay. 

All the above is the grace of God. 

But the ability to do more with less care into play a lit in other aspects of life including navigating family and work, both extremely difficult at times. 

Even at the NYPD, I wasn’t allowed to consult outside my unit due to frankly inane reasons. Thus, I had to figure out a ton of stuff I had not seen before. I did quite well even if I say so myself. 

I know how to grit and stick it out.