There’s this scene at the end of the first Infernal Affairs movie where the police and Triad moles finally confront each other. For the entire movie, both men have been struggling with their roles and identities.  The Triad yearns to be a legitimate police offiver while the undercover officer wonders if he even a real one anymore.

In one of the most powerful scenes in the movie, the legitimate one, despite not having his badge or police credentials on him, reaffirms who he really is and reclaims his identity. When he arrests the mole, he says, I’m a police officer and you’re not. 

Often, I have wondered who I am. Was I good or bad? I know we are all in between as human beings. My former nun friend said we all have to look at the banner flying over our heads to see who we really are. 

Like in that scene, I think I can identify with the legitimate officer. I know what I did. Although I still have my DA shield (which goes the daughter) and my NYPD cap with command pins and merit citation (which goes to the boy), these are reflections and reminders.

I say this repeatedly and I know many don’t get it. 

A Philadelphia Assistant DA and NYPD till the day I die.