One of the most bittersweet and even anger provoking events in the Bible is Moses prohibited from entering the Promised Land with the people he led and suffered with for over 40 years.  The reason at first glance seems so trivial – striking a rock to draw water out of it without first petitioning God.  A given explanation for this occurrence is to demonstrate the heavy burden and responsibility placed on leaders, especially those called and appointed by God.

Nonetheless, Moses is allowed to watch the people cross over before dying, a semblance of grace and on the surface, a bit of a consolation prize.  But here is where it gets interesting.  God takes Moses’ body and buries it in a secret location, an act of great care and intimacy.

For me, all this illustrates the great cost of an equally great calling or vocation.  The loneliness, emotional weight, and everything that comes with the mantle.  The question I ask is whether it was all worth it.  Other great leaders in the course of history sacrificed and suffered tremendously only to apparently receive very little benefit at the end of it all – even some very sad outcomes like death.  We can all play the “they get their reward in the afterlife” card and while that may very well be true, it feels like cold comfort and an easy way out.

The better question, possibly, is what happens when you don’t choose, embrace, or answer the call to such a path.  Costly to follow a difficult one but maybe more costly not to.  Those who want to keep their lives will lose it and vice versa.

Once, I met with my spiritual director who showed me a painting depicting the angel Gabriel visiting Mary to tell her she will be the literal mother of God, Jesus.  The painting is almost completely dark at one end and bright at the other.  Mary looks toward the light and turns from the darkness.  

And here’s the key – although surprised, if not completely terrified, she does not protest.  She accepts.  

She says yes.

That is incredible faith and grace demonstrated.  At this point, she has absolutely no idea what is to come – the pain and also glory.  Sometimes I think we can tell what a person really believes or lives for by what they believe about a Judgment Day and what happens then.  Ultimately, actions do marter regardless of final destination and my guess is we will be asked to have some type of accounting of our lives.  You don’t want to scramble at the end of the journey trying to come up with something impactful or meaningful you’ve accomplished.  God cannot be fooled.  Being used for His purposes may be difficult and downright painful, but again worse not to do so.  Many times, you must go through the valley to reach the top of the mountain.  Carry your cross or it will crush you, leave you empty handed.