I did not pursue

Wealth, power, fame

They were fleeting illusions

Not even women

The sweetest of all sorrows

Instead, I hunted the predator

Those who would hurt

With their God given gifts

The ultimate perversion

Lucifer’s betrayal

Judas’ kiss

The dagger behind the smile

No, I rolled the hard six

Hit back as hard as I could

Struck back from every position

With all that I had

The beatings made me wise

I don’t give thanks or apologize

Was it enough?

I can’t answer

I relive it all without pain

But it was about, above all

Even truth and justice

Love

The dealer on the street is just a pawn

Even the kingpin in his compound

Bullet wounds

Knife wounds

Mind wounds

The devil doesn’t make you do it

Yet is still behind it all

That is where it must be fought

The battle, the war

It is in the shadows

Wiretaps of the heart

Undercover agents of light

Surveillance of the soul’s night

The internal, hidden enemy

Is the true killer

The wooden horse 

Straw purchaser

Corrupt minister

Virus

The wolf in sheepdog’s clothing

All must be seen, detected, exposed

All must be finished

All must be destroyed

Abuse 

Bullying

Racism 

Abandonment

Betrayal

Cowardice

Foolishness

I faced all these

I fought

I won 

I lost 

I’m still standing

Motherfucker, I’m still standing 

By the grace and presence of God, I’m still standing

Barely

But I’m still standing

It can mean many things

Apathy

Lack of understanding

Cowardice

Meditation

Contemplation

But it can also mean

Things falling into place

God behind the scenes

The slow heal of the drip drip drip of antibiotics

Quiet understated move

Wordless embrace

Grace note in the song

Silenced bullet hitting the target

Unspoken prayers of the heart

Sometime the silence speaks 

Even screams

But you must listen well

With all of your being

All that you are 

Otherwise you will miss it all

The hidden

The true grace

The power of the infinite

The voice of God

I don’t want to remember

Yet I don’t want to forget

Isn’t that the price

And risk of all we do?

The dream is valuable

Even if it vanishes imto the ether

The brief respite from life’s struggle

But also a foretelling of joy

Cry now, smile later

Or is the other way around?

The wound tells the story

The origin of the gift

Every wedding is sacred

Regardless of outcome

God was there

And is still here

The graceful paradox

That makes complete sense

A grandmaster’s surprising move

A poet’s unexpected cleverness

The tension of living

More than just the way it is

The way it should be

I don’t want to remember

Yet I don’t want to forget

It is found everywhere

But you must know where to look

Is it low enough?

Is it in the places you least expect?

The flyover states

Walled off neighborhoods

Libraries now thought obsolete

It is in the end of the journey

Just as much as it’s in the anticipated start

It’s in the healing of others

And listening to their songs

It puts wickedness in its rightful place

Tells grief to take a day off or more

The candle in the cursed darkness

Small but sufficient 

The lonely but strong lighthouse

In its powerful presence and purpose

The reminder of and the way home

At the end of it all

Only one voice matters

Not family

Friends

Enemies

Those you most desire

And despise

Not even yours

Burdened with biased colors

And fractured, inadequate lenses

One and only one

Who spoke worlds into existence

Brings wordless light into dark places

Yet all and everything testify

To the steadfast, unfailing, unending

Love, power, compassion, wisdom of

One

Everything you love will hurt you

Tell me

Is there nothing that won’t?

A mountain

A stream

A lover

A child

A calling

A dream

As the song goes

Every rose has its thorn

Love nothing and you will be spared

But you will surely die

Embrace the pain

The gateway drug to life

The price of the show

The jagged entrance to everything

(I usually don’t explain my poetry. The whats and whys. I’m actually not sure how obvious or obscure they are. This one though is inspired by a little book my daughter wrote and illustrated when she was around 5. She was so serious and focused working on it. And it, to me, it had a profound lesson. It was about a girl who was adrift on the water and had to find her way home. I kept this one. It’s different from her brother’s series on dumb animals, giant farts, and the seminal work “The Dad Who Curses A Lot.”

The memorable part about the daughter’s book is the pages and pages of seemingly nothing happening – just her and the boat in nothingness.

But she finally gets home – to a completely flooded city. Sone of the lines are her actual words.

Sail Home

And all the games they played 

The lies they told others

Themselves 

In furtherance of what?

Everything that was nothing

I just want to sail home

Today the sun is shining

I was smiling

Today it is raining

I was sad

And all the pages without captions

Just the single boat on the water

All the memories going round and round

I have wished for so long

How I wish for you today

I finally see the destination

The journey’s end

And its beginning

Sail again

Sail home

I’m ready to live by the ocean

They say it has no memory

I’d like to learn from her wisdom

I no longer want to understand, remember

Everything not worth mentioning

You know their demon names

Maybe even the good, tainted and scarred 

With every crashing, breaking wave

Eroding and erasing all in their wake

Ushering in the eternal sunshine