Neither knowing how to read music nor in possession of a musical ear, I manage to make it on to one of the best jazz ensembles in the county. The worst player of the lot, I manage to scrape by on practice, heart, and lots of U2, Led Zeppelin, and Pearl Jam. At one concert, my teacher stops play and hands me a tuner in front of the whole audience. Nonetheless, it is a memorable time in my life, I learn teamwork, leadership, how to be a better musician and person. Lessons I carried over into other areas of life.
I’ve been a groomsman quite a bit in this life. Often, people would try to set me up with the not-so-attractive bridesmaid. But I would always find the prettiest one and get to dance with her (and get her information). Many times, they would be alone because others would be too intimidated to even ask.
I’m not particularly good-looking, athletic, or smart, but I had guts (or as my Spanish teacher puts it, cojones elefantes).
I had a talk with my uncle (the eldest of nine who grew up in poverty). He said I was fearless. I replied not at all, I was afraid a lot. But the one thing I was more afraid of was being a coward.
I told him that courage covered up a lot of my deficiencies. He agreed and said that without courage, all deficiencies get magnified.
In middle school, we Asian kids (especially immigrants) were picked on and bullied for a variety of reasons (and sometimes by teachers). In gym class one day, a few of us decided to form a basketball team (represented by India, Bangladesh, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Malaysia). The other team started to laugh and mock us.
Until we beat them soundly.
Bigger, Faster, Taller.
No match for will, teamwork, and hours of practicing jumpshots.
Quicker, Tougher, Smarter.
I’ve never been especially athletic, but once upon a time I had almost unlimited range and played defense like a bat out of hell. In the history of the universe, an inconsequential day, but for those of us who played, a momentous one, a day of victory, joy, and hope.
In high school, a bunch of us Asian kids entered the school basketball tournament. We got matched up against a team comprised of several varsity players and overall bigger, taller, faster players.
No Disney ending here. We lose by 30-40 points. At the end of the game, the other team is dunking on us, throwing alley oops, hollering, and yapping. At the start of the game, they are also smirking and showboating. A humiliating moment in my memory.
It wasn’t, however, until recently that I remembered the lesson of that night.
For the first 10 minutes of the game, we were winning. Not just by one basket, but several.
And for a moment, you could see the looks on the other team go from contempt to fear. That we actually showed up to play. Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
A DA colleague used to make fun of me. To my face. I was sometimes slower in speech and didn’t have the snappiest suits (loans, public service pay). He was from a wealthy Connecticut family and also went to a higher ranked college and law school. Also an NCAA sprinter. Don’t get me wrong, I had good schools on my resume (Go Terps! Go Hoosiers!), just not the elite variety.
Until one day, he walks into the office with his arm in a cast. People ask him what happened. He says “V-Tsien broke it.”
Then they ask me whether I did it on purpose. “No.”
Did you apologize? “No.”
He never bothered me again (at least to my face).
Still water runs deep. For the ways I played sports, it’s a miracle I’ve never broken anything.
I’ve always had a feeling that my life would be a journey, even an adventure, rather than a routine, race, or a ladder. All these options have their upsides and downsides, but I’m glad I received what I hoped for – a life that wasn’t uneventful and had deep beauty even though it had difficulty, uncertainty, and doubt. I also wanted to go to difficult places to do difficult things – for the challenge, honor, and maybe stupidly, glory. Ultimately, some of that did happen.
So it won’t be a big house, great wealth, fame, the high-powered position, and apparently, not even the security or stability I envisioned. Instead, it will be memories, stories, actions I’m truly proud of, tears, laughter, pain, joy. Went many places, saw many things, met many people. Really high highs, low lows. I saw a wide range of humanity, kings and pawns, sages and fools, heroes and cowards. Not a bad outcome that.
I took you on so much of the journey. Many times, I would imagine you next to me while I talked to you.
In Philadelphia, I would drive back to Maryland every other weekend to teach Bible study. The first group were college kids that no one wanted to teach – the so-called “outcasts” (gay, abandoned, abused, the “loose” one, etc). This group evolved into all college guys. Both times, some church leaders tried to stop these groups. I kept in touch with a good number of those I taught, and recently heard some nice things. One of the guys told me that one of the best things I taught them was to be brave with women and to serenade them. Almost all the guys are now married.
Just a few months into my tenure with the NYPD, I was summoned to a top-level meeting at the “secret bunker” at the top of One Police Plaza, Headquarters. All the top brass were there – Chiefs, Commissioners, and of course, the legendary Police Commissioner Bill Bratton. Lots of stars, dark blue. Oak paneled walls, TV monitors everywhere. Very serious faces, remarks. I was just supposed to observe until my Deputy Commissioner volunteers me to say something. Put on the spot, I manage to blurt out a few barely intelligible words. Bratton laughs, but what I say is eventually proven accurate. I am 37. For the next four years, I advise the rest of the brass on a variety of issues. A highlight of my life.
Growing up in the DC Metro Area, there is a lot of focus on career, wealth, power, and status. Never really fit in. Would end up living in other high pressure cities (Philadelphia – the heart, Boston – my all time favorite, NYC – the killer). Also smaller places (Bloomington Indiana; the Twin Cities, North Carolina; Vienna, Austria).
But this is what I treasure the most in my life. So little to do with professional and academic achievement, money, titles, etc.
Hot summer nights with my radio
Laughing with my students
The thousands of miles driven across the country (46 states)
Cooking for people I loved (especially Malaysian food)
Gritting my way through drug neighborhoods, correctional facilities, court, the horrendous cases
Songs of Pain and Hope 