Songs of Pain and Hope

I have a major gap in my knowledge of popular music.  Somewhere in the double-digit year range.  A pretty creative and insightful high school classmate made this observation (can’t remember his exact words, but I think this is close) – the music one remembers most comes from your junior year of high school.  Kinda holds true for me – one of the first songs I play when given a guitar is Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter (about a fallen soldier coming home, really proud of learning this one, took forever, got talked to at church for playing).

Thanks to Jeff Bezos and Amazon Music, that gap is slowly being filled.  Lady Gaga has this really powerful duet “Shallow” with Bradley Cooper.  Also Lorde – South Park parodies her perfectly.

And this one that grabbed my attention immediately – Hozier’s “Take Me to Church.”  Apparently, some people think this is a worship song.  

It is not.  

Opening with a tribute to his female lover and how out-of-place she is in a religious environment, it transitions to a critique of hypocrisy, judgmentalism, and hate.  The music video depicts a gay couple being persecuted.

I have a love-hate relationship with church.  I generally dislike services and sermons, but would love to sit quietly and alone in the pews in the presence of God.  I won’t repeat what St. Augustine said about church – it is not nice, something to do with the oldest profession.

But I get it, no human organization gets it totally right.  Some do it better than others.  There’s no need to go into horror stories here.  Too many and just depressing.

That being said, there is hope.  My Jesuit priest friend runs a church in the Bay Area – a military veteran, former prison chaplain, Ph.D, experienced all around, occasional swear word (priest, not a saint).

And at the end of the day, it’s supposed to be a hospital for sinners (like me), not a school for saints.

While mostly well-meaning when conveyed, I really dislike the term survivor.  Side note here – I just learned recently that the phrase “Bless his/her heart” doesn’t always have the literal intent.  The word survivor brings to mind someone barely clinging on to driftwood as the ship is sinking.

I don’t know what the correct exact term is to describe what I would rather want the kids to pick up – Overcomer? Anti-Fragile?  Resilient?  

I’ve settled on just teaching them Victoria Williams’ (who suffers from multiple sclerosis) song Crazy Mary (covered by Pearl Jam).  The song describes a woman who lives in poverty, in a old tar paper shack covered with newspapers, lit by a bare lightbulb.  And somehow she’s ok – “Mary rising above it all.”

We sing that line a lot.  It’s now become a catchphrase for many things

Noodle rising above it all.

Chicken McNuggets rising above it all.

Movie rising above it all.

Until I find a better concept, this will have to do

I loved playing goalie in several sports.  Part of it is I don’t run all that well or long and my dribbling skills are somewhat lacking.  But it’s more than that.  A lot of it involves the rush of making a save, watching the disappointment of an attacking player, cutting down the angles for shots, getting to put on a mask.

I was fascinated with goalies – knew pretty much every NHL starter and a few backups.  My favorite Capitals player was Don Beaupre.  On the smaller side, but a lifesaver for a team that struggled to score.  I made my brother take shots at me so I could practice.  Also, many people don’t want to play the position – so bonus!  More practice.

While I never played ice hockey, I did the roller and floor versions, as well as indoor and outdoor soccer.  Even if I do say so myself, I made some nice stops – which people noticed.  I especially loved using my glove and rushing an attacker’s feet to shut them down.

I’m now a couch potato.  But I still remember standing in the net / goal as the last line of defense.

There is a hero culture at the NYPD.  Lots of references to Superman, Batman, Avengers, Punisher, Wonder Woman, Spartans.  My first captain loved wearing superhero shirts – he was over 50.

At a civilian propaganda training (titled Blue Courage – people come up with names like this, don’t get me started on the acronym game) at the Academy, there was a quote in the training materials.  I can’t remember the exact words, but it went something like this – “A hero treads the line between the sacred and profane, good and evil, light and darkness, order and chaos.”  This quote stood out to me because it reminded me of the principles being the Yin Yang concept.

I’ll leave the in-depth explanations to better minds, but I thought Zhang Yimou’s movie Shadow illustrates the concept in a visually stunning way.

Shot almost entirely without color (technically not black and white, has grey in it).  Stunning choreography, visuals.  Thought provoking themes of the interplay of the masculine-feminine in conflict (physical and interpersonal), the relationship between truth and deception, the titular shadow and his double.  The steel umbrellas by themselves are worth the price of admission.

I’m no master of the concept, but I appreciate its relevance and presence.  In darkness light, in light darkness.

(Page, Plant, Jones, Bonham)

Want to tell you about the girl I love
My she looks so fine
She’s the only one that I been dreamin’ of
Maybe someday she will be all mine
I want to tell her that I love her so
I thrill with her every touch
I need to tell her she’s the only one I really love

I got a woman, want to ball all day
I got a woman, she won’t be true, no
I got a woman, stay drunk all the time
I said I got a little woman and she won’t be true

Sunday morning when we go down to church
See the menfolk standin’ in line
I said they come to pray to the Lord
With my little girl, looks so fine
In the evening when the sun is sinkin’ low
Everybody’s with the one they love
I walk the town, keep a-searchin’ all around
Lookin’ for my street corner girl

I got a woman, want to ball all day
In the bars, with the men who play guitars
Singin’, drinkin’ and rememberin’ the times
My little lover does a midnight shift
She followed around all the time
I guess there’s just one thing a-left for me to do
Gonna pack my bags and move on my way
‘Cause I got a worried mind sharin’ what I thought was mine
Gonna leave her where the guitars play

(Vedder, Gossard, McCready, Abbruzzee, Ament)

I will light the match this morning
So I won’t be alone
Watch as she lies silent
For soon night will be gone
Oh I will stand arms outstretched
Pretend I’m free to roam
I will make my way
Through one more day in hell

How much difference does it make?
How much difference does it make?

I will hold the candle
Till it burns up my arm
Oh, I’ll keep takin’ punches
Until their will grows tired
Oh, I will stare the sun down
Until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won’t change direction
And I won’t change my mind

How much difference does it make?
How much difference does it make?

I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room

How much difference does it make?
It makes a difference

Be loved