As an initial matter, middle names fascinate me. In some ways, they tell me more about a person than their first. I’m not sure when I learned yours, but it made me love you even more. Who has double grace in their names?
Only you.
They fit you.
I know you don’t live up to them all the time. No one does. We grow into our names over a lifetime. But yours are pure beauty and forgive me, pure grace.
I don’t really understand grace. I sought and valued justice and fairness more up to this point. But we all yearn for and desire grace. When it shows up in our life, it is like the arrival of spring after a long winter, the sunlight breaking through the storm clouds, the relief of pain.
On paper, the leader of the Greeks in the Trojan War is Agamemnon. Like so many of the overly ambitious and unscrupulous leaders I’ve had the disgrace of serving under, he is an idiot.
A f______g idiot in every sense of the word.
He sacrificed his own daughter to ensure that the winds blow favorably to Troy. He is willing to risk the lives of countless men for conquest.
And perhaps most grievously, he alienates, dishonors, and insults the heart and soul of his army, Achilles. I can’t even remember exactly why but if I recall correctly, it was over a woman. In any case, this costs the Greeks massively. A bunch of them get killed because Achilles refuses to fight anymore. And the absolute killer – it costs the life of Achilles’ best friend and possible lover, Patroclus, who dons Achilles’ armor and weapons to take his place, getting himself sent to the afterlife by Hector, breaker of horses. As a result, all of Achilles’ equipment is lost.
What happens next is profoundly telling. His mother, a demi goddess, visits Hephaestus, the god of the forge or something like that. She asks him to build new armor and weapons for her son.
And he does.
The passages in the Iliad describing these are memorable, especially the one referring to his shield. The god adorns it with depicts the sun god among scenes of human life. It is a symbol of heroism and strength. Achilles returns to the war and exacts revenge – Old Testament style. He’s not fighting for his idiot king anymore but for something else. Maybe love.
I think this one is about rearming and returning to one’s calling. Also the restoration of faith.
My DA Chief and I talked about the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs – where a disillusioned minister walks away from his position after his wife dies, mumbling what he thinks are incoherent phrases. But those phrases and other seemingly random events all play a part in saving his family later on. Faith restored, the last scene is him wearing his collar again.
There are massively stupid and selfish people out there. I have a list. They will be baptized one way or the other at some point.
But there are also really good people out there.
And God.
Several people tell me to ask Him for his presence. This is actually good advice. It is about more than just comfort or reassurance. I could adopt a pet to do that or buy a plant. This is more about the promise that He can and will take care of things.
The shield of Achilles, Signs, and more are also about intricate design. While the mark of a master is simplicity, this often disguises the complex work behind manny things.
For someone who’s had jobs seemingly on the “good” and “right” side of justice, I root for the bad guys quite a bit. In several movies, I am thoroughly disappointed when the villain’s really well-designed plans get thwarted by the usually less intelligent bumbling hero just so audiences (Western ones especially) can get that happy ending. (Contrast that to that of Hong Kong’s “Infernal Affairs” – the basis for Scorsese’s The Departed – the Chinese censors had to clumsily do a cut-and-paste alternate ending to uphold “morality”).
When I get asked the question – “Superman or Batman” I go neither (if really pressed, Batman). For me, it’s been Magneto for a long time.
The modern backstory for Mags is compelling. There is actually a whole book dedicated to this – a survivor of the Holocaust whose gifts are still nascent and yet to be developed. The X-Men movies, while a mixed bag, also do him justice. He is not some lunatic power-hungry villain, but a principled, driven man. Played as a younger version by Michael Fassbender and an older one by Sir Ian McKellen, he steals scenes with his charisma and force.
A colleague of mine sent me a photo of Malcolm X holding a rifle. It is thought that Malcom was part of the inspiration for Mags and MLK for Professor X, his best friend and now opponent. Both with similar ideals, but different methods.
There’s a verse in the Bible attributed to Jesus – be wise as serpents, innocent as doves. I saw the exact opposite in many of those who professed faith. One can learn from Mags. Sometimes, you make the hard choice, roll the hard six. Actions complement and complete teaching and ideals.
I’ll save the suspense – this isn’t the classic about how it makes you stronger.
I see my ambassador mentor only a few times a year. But every time I do, the wisdom and knowledge she imparts is long-lasting and profound. She tells me the best stories from her service and life – now she once corrected Henry Kissinger and watched the mighty Bill Russell play at the Garden.
Incisively truthful (but kind), she demolishes several years of my primary advisor’s life work in a few sentences due to her real-life experience. The last time we met, she told me that the oft-quoted statement “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” isn’t necessarily true all the time.
I need to think more on this but intuitively, she’s right. Many times, what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker. Some damage inflicted lasts a lifetime. We can compensate, adapt, cope, but at the end of the day, we’re still missing something that can never be replaced.
My grandmother was an orphan. Abandoned around 9, her father drops her off at the orphanage and tells her he’ll be back to pick her up in a few weeks. Grandma waits every evening in vain. Long story short, she becomes an indentured servant and has a difficult life (war survivor, poverty, widow). She develops incredible street and people smarts because of her experiences.
She also cries herself to sleep at night. Strong and tough during the day, the nights are different. While her later years are somewhat good, her road was difficult.
So yes, some parts of us do become stronger, but the truth is more complex. For me, the challenge is acceptance, making peace, finding additional sources of strength and joy. For Grandma, her perseverance and sacrifice resulted in many grandchildren who she got to see.
She was an interesting one, I have a lot of her in me. She once disciplined me with a stick of sugar cane and then gave it to me to chew on to sweeten things.
My tough, uncompromising, impatient, difficult daughter (where did all of that come from?).
Mo chuisle.
You are Iron Leg.
The world needs more Iron Legs, a world full of weak selfish cowards.
A daughter of Malaysia, with the tiger’s blood coursing in your veins.
In a household of introverted people and pets, you are the odd one out. The Book of Psalms says that children are arrows in a parent’s quiver. You are a nuclear warhead.
Even before you were born, I knew you would be difficult and powerful. To uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant. I had only one prayer for you – that you would not fear. And that the God of David, Joseph, Moses, Elizabeth, John Boyd will watch over and guide you.
Adapt and endure, trust God above all.
My girl with my hard side. As iron sharpens iron, a father hones his daughter.
One day, people will tell you many of the things I’ve heard myself. Not strong, smart, Asian, American, lawyer, academic, Christian, Ivy League enough.
And I will teach you how to respond.
“Correct.”
The goal is to be shapeless, formless – like running water. You will not be taught by the charlatans I was exposed to in my youth. Instead, you will follow the teachings of the man you were named after.
You used to stand in the corner of the room with a book yelling when the others are playing. And even though you were the smallest, no one dares to take anything from you.
Your discerned patterns at an early age. You are quiet until you are not. Impossible to force or bribe. The more you try, the more you resist. The evidence of an unconquerable will.
And the look of an angel but the mischievous mind of a monkey and the fierce heart of a tiger.
The boy with my soft side. But as deadly as the stealth Hellfire missile that took out Al-Zawahiri. Gliding down quietly and opening up with blades at the last moment.
A future Chief of Detectives. Your soft eyes make all the difference. The watcher, the observer – George Smiley MI6 style. Or what I often prefer to nickname you – Michael.
During the bottom of the ninth inning of Game 6 last night, my former roommate and I were talking about the game. He said that even if the Red Sox won, it would be meaningless as it was just a game. Based on that logic, we also discussed the fact that all things other than deciding to follow God, including major events such as Iraq and the election, are pretty much meaningless.
Despite the partial validity of those conclusions, I would say that events such as these have substantial meaning. To not believe so would be to adopt a fatalistic attitude and to take away from the “subterranean flow of grace” (term borrowed from P. Yancey) that is beneath the days of our lives. The meaning comes from playing the game – from living well. Likewise, the storylines that develop, such as Boston’s “impossible” comeback, are probably God’s way of reminding us of His goodness and desire to see justice done. This is why we repeatedly watch movies with similar types of plots – it has been proposed that there are a handful of plots being reused in stories. We never tire of hearing of hope, love, surmounting obstacles, underdogs winning, and good triumphing over evil.
Watching Johnny Damon go from goat to hero in a matter of swings, Curt Schilling display unquestionable toughness, and A-Rod hang his arrogant $25 million a year and cheating head in disappointment – absolutely priceless.
When I look back at my educational, work, and personal life experiences, they definitely weren’t the elite variety like some of the peers I grew up wirh.
But they all turned out good even when they didn’t appear to be so on the surface.
Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
This analogy came to mind. I didn’t get the Michelin star 5 course meal. But what I did get was the family meal, the one served in some restaurants for staff.
Which in some ways. so much better – prepared for people you may love and at least have to work with. I’ve never worked in the industry but I imagine that the meal would be prepared with at least a modicum of care and if not the best ingredients, certainly not the scraps.
What chef would that to his staff and himself?
I also think that one must look at a life as a whole, not just isolated incidents and chapters. Very much like what some have said about U2, the whole is greater than the sum of their parts. A concept that applies to a good number of things, including music, sports, food, and lives.
With the recent stories from the nation on children being killed or molested, my heart breaks. Especially heartbreaking is the story on the three kids who accidentally suffocated to death in a car trunk. I’m about to finish my first year as a prosecutor and am noticing changes in my perspective. When I first started to work on criminal cases, I felt anger, contempt, and a certain bit of self-righteousness. Now I just feel great sadness for all involved. I pray that I will have the wisdom and compassion one day to bring healing to others.
My faith teaches that our God is not just distant but intimately familiar with who we are and what we all face.
The difference between Him and human beings is that He actually has the power to address things.
I teach my kids that maybe we don’t find God.
He finds us and meets us where we are.
Over time, I’ve started to realize that God is often not in the places you expect and in the places you think He isn’t.
Not thinking or realizing otherwise is antithetical to much of the examples described in Scripture – the prodigal son, the lost sheep, the great pearl.
Sometimes I ask – what f____g book are people reading when they talk about the Bible. It’s almost like they are describing a wholly different work. Forget even living any of it out.
Pretty much all of it deals with the presence of the divine, miraculous, and supernatural in the “real” world – and somehow one can find more religion or faith at a concert, game, or even bar. I don’t mean to be profane here but there is somewhat more community, vulnerability, and shared humanity at these places.
In the parable of the prodigal son, the father runs to his kid, not the other way around. Because that is what a real, good one does.
I was taught this at church – if God seems far away, maybe it’s you who moved. Guilt trip and shame culture aside, and who is responsible, the distance does not matter.
Songs of Pain and Hope 